Q&A Forum From Singles Just Like You!
Questions From Other Singles Like You
Wondering about Speed Dating events or how Pre-Dating does them? Maybe just a relationship question in general? Some other people did as well and here are their questions to us.
QUESTION #1:
Dear Pre-Dating,
I go on date, after date, after date with many different people, but just can’t seem to find “the one”. What am I doing wrong?
Answer from Pre-Dating
Dear “Serial Dater”:
Look, dating is simply a numbers game. You’re not doing anything wrong, unless of course your standards are too high. Many people fall into this “cycle” of dating people to only find that they’re looking for all the wrong qualities, and overlooking someone because they may not fit the “picture perfect” match.
So, how do you break this cycle? First, you need to back off dating for a bit.
Now, Begin to focus your attention back on you. Begin doing things you once loved to do that you haven’t had time to get into. Do you like to bike ride? Paint? Garden? Start getting back into those things you once enjoyed, and explore the local social aspects of these things. For example, is there a gardening club? Or a bikers club? Maybe a “Run for Brews” team you can join! Depending on your area, there may be social outlets where you can meet other people that share similar interests.
Journal! You want to start off by setting a list of 10 things you’re looking for in someone and a list of 10 non-negotiable’s. Out of those 20 items, start narrowing down to 3-4 on both list. These are going to be the 3 character values you cannot live without, and the 3 things you just cannot, no matter what, stand to tolerate in a romantic relationship. After this, you will want to write daily about what you are looking for. Journal your thoughts on a daily basis too- it helps get them out of your head and on paper to keep focused on your goals for that day, week, or month.
Set your focus on doing things you enjoy. Once you find a social groups that incorporate your interests, you will find that finding someone that peaks your interest much easier.
QUESTION #2:
Dear Pre-Dating,
I have come to a few events, and have not gotten picked! I am an attractive guy, I have a great job, and I consider myself a nice and easygoing person. What gives?!
Answer from Pre-Dating
Dear “Unlucky“:
Great Question! I do have a few questions to ask you- what do you talk about? Is the conversation mostly revolving around you? How do you dress? And finally, what is your tonality? Let me break this down for you question by question, in hopes that we can find out exactly what is occurring here.
Let’s start off with the question of what you talk about and if the conversation is mostly revolving around you. The reason I ask this, is the question you presented completely revolves around you and how great you are. No doubt you are a great guy, but people don’t necessarily want to hear you gloat about yourself for 6 minutes- it’s a HUGE turn off. The first thing you should do when you sit down with one of your daters, is compliment a certain physical trait about them, even if they are not your type; Look for something they obviously worked on. For example, if their hair looks great, or their makeup is well done, you might say something like “Wow, you look great tonight, your hair looks so healthy”. This might sound a bit corny, however, you have immediately engaged this person by 1) complimenting them, 2) increasing their confidence, 3) sparked an interesting topic of conversation. Put yourself in the other persons shoes and think of how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of your conversation.
Now, how do you dress/ present yourself? Remember, as people, we make a physical judgment within 3 seconds of meeting someone. So, if you are not ‘dressed to impress’ or might still be ‘living in the 90’s’ with your elastic waistband khaki’s and Hawaiian button down, you might give off a bad first impression. If you are oblivious to the current fashion trends, I recommend asking for help. Most dept. stores have fashion experts that can help you reinvent your look. Go to a higher-end salon and have them give you a new hairstyle that is both appropriate for your age and professional stature.
Lastly, what is your tonality when you are talking to someone? Most people do not know what they sound like when they talk. In fact, recently, I helped a fellow dater who was having the same problem as you! They were not getting any matches, however, the look was right, the subject matter was dead on, but his tonality was BORING. It was like listening to Ben Stein. What I recommended to him was to take a tape recorder and record his conversations through out a day in his normal life. He called me back the following day in horror, “I DO sound boring”. He worked on this for some time, came back to an event, and to his surprise, he matched with every single lady at the event. Tonality is one of the most important aspects of communication. You may think you sound GREAT, but in reality, you may be giving the wrong impression just by the tone of your verbal delivery.
All that being said, the most important piece of knowledge I can share with you is “Be yourself”! Sure, change a few things here and there in order to better yourself, but do not be too dramatic about it. You may need a little polish, but you certainly do not need to change who you are.
